I am really sorry for pay less attention on the accounting paper!

 

These days I can not focus on study or on the tough work. It is my fault to make my groupmates help me finish it. I feel really shamed.

 

I know that maybe I have already make them disappointed on me. I really want to do something to compensate.

 

I have to change this kind of mood. I have to be energetic on study.

 

Can I ? I hope!

 

Missing someone is a kind of fault. Or not?

 

Now, I just finished my presentation for International Economics & Business.

Although I am so tired due to the ineffecient sleep for these days, I am so happy and proud of the presentation.

Becasue I got 8.5!

It is really fancinating!

I know that I did a good work but not that execellent.

 

Ok, I am gonna go to finish another paper for Accounting. And next week I will have this paper presented.

I hope I can do as well as this time.

 

P.S.: It is true that if I put more attention on the work I won't that miss you. However, who I can share my joy with.

       So, I am still missing you much.

Few days earlier I dreamed that you are gonna leaving me alone. I felt so upset even crying while I am dreaming.

 

I decided to think you less, but failed.

 

When I met you again, I have to hide my feeling. All the feeling, to pretend that I am not concerning about you though I am really eager to hear from you, even if only a "Hello". I know what you think.

These days I will live in VHL, a Chinese classmate place, busy and crazy about the tough work.

Morning I am running for the grouping meeting in the cold but fresh air.

Everything is so fresh to me, the road, the scene, the people,and the sun.

But I am still feel low, although tangled with the heavy work I am headache for.

Looking at the same running Dutch, I am wondering what they are running for or what they hope to obtain.

As well what I am running for?

Running for finish the work? pass the exam? obtain the diploma?or live a life I am dreaming for?

What a life I am dreaming for?

Can I get what I am dreaming for through my desperate endeavor?

Or I will lose?

 

I just want to make myself busy enough to forget, unfortunately, I am still thinking a lot and even more, as well someone.

 

Hoping to safely pass this week!

 

昨天，运动后回家的路上。

看到一地的落叶，心情有些低落。

萧瑟的风吹着枯黄的叶在半空盘旋。

我知道枯叶不想离开，也知道这个时候枯叶不再被需要了。但枯叶真的是留恋的。

我知道是该决定的时候了，其实自己的决定意义不大啊，因为别人的决定早已做好了。我只能选择接受，又怎么会有自己的决定呢。不论是决定离开还是决定坚持，事实就是事实，自己都无法再说服自己了。

我明白的，什么都了解，可是又有谁能理解我的想法呢？！

我想着自己的事情，想着一地的落叶，想着那些日子。

真的很不舍得，很不舍得，也许，一切都不会再有了，空留回忆一段。

真的要这样吗？为什么我没的选？为什么我只能接受？

心里有点慌，但就是哭不出来！

怎么做都不对呀！好吧，只能藏在心里了。也许只有这样才对吧！

感性与理性的对抗！是自己的错！

 

Since this week I will prepare for my three exams. I feel really nervous about that because it will be my first time answer all the questions in English. What a suck!

Next week there will be two presentations. And the week after that there will be one more. Now I have a lot of works to do. So tonight I won't be sleep early. I have to stay up untill I finish my work and then tomorrow get up early to prepare tomorrow's study.

And sometimes I feel really upset that I have to email all the classmates to find a partner writing the thesis. A little bit annoyed because it does not go like a Chinese way.

Maybe keeping myself busy in studying can make me feel better and think less. I really want to explain that I do not think in a negative way so just leave me alone. I can manage myself. I am not changing my mind.Everything is the same, my opnion, my feeling, my emotion, all the same.

 

OK,don't worry I will be fine.

 

P.S. Happy birthday to Someone!

 

 

I am still in the library.

I am changing a lot but the life is changing more.

There is always something beyond my expectation and there is always something I mistakenly expected.

Once, what I hoped to control is my feeling about the past and what I hoped to avoid is my feeling about the future.

But, there is a kind of misposition.

The past is now what I hope to avoid. The future is mow what I hope to control.

Sometimes, I really feel scared to think about future.

What I am afraid is the other's decision.

Thinking too much!

Hope there is someone can understand.

Hope, only hope.

 

Tomorrow's moon might not be that round, big and bright. Because I am not in the right position in the Earth. Ha.